Tulsa Police Santa Task Force
By Penelope Jane Lassek
Da Tulsa Police Department has set up a special task force to deal with da growing number of Santas dancing in da streets, disruptin' da daily commute, and generally causing da kids to go bananas.
Da whole Santa Task Force, two plainclothes and 7 uniformed officers, appeared on 18 April in Tulsa Municipal Court to witness da sentencing and arrest of Santa for violating da City's anti-biking on da sidewalks law. As part of Santa's punishment, Division I Judge Bradley Powers order da bike impounded for 20 days. However, Santa appeared with a bike with two flat tires, busted wheels, and no brakes. Several officers commented gleefully, "Down with da Red Menace!"
Santa, dressed in summer shorts and Sperry topsiders, looking like he jest got off da boat from Shanghai, wuz led away in handcuffs for contempt of court and perjury. However to da dismay of da Santa Task Force, da Judge reconsidered da decision and allow Santa another 7 days to restore da bike to its original condition.
Santa complied with da order on 25 April and ask da Judge to order da police not to enforce da law on kids, da Mormons, penalizing only da stoooopid idiots who insist on impersonating Santa. Da Judge refused and ordered da police to enforce da anti sidewalk biking law on all, including kids and Mormons. No comment from da Santa Task Force, as they were nowhere to be found. Probably all went home to Owasso!